Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
