I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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