she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
