She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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