Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
