Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
