lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Text me some of your sweat
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
