Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
