I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
