I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
