Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my sisters under your porch take her home
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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