Im at strip club and am horny
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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