its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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