Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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