nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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