Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize