Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
