i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
