Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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