I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I skipped work to stalk him.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
