either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
