My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
