At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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