just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
