im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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