Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
