Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
