He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My ass is underappreciated
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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