I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
