yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
