We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize