I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
