never play flip cup with pint glasses
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
