Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
