I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
