i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
