Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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