I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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