I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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