OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
