Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
