areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I want her autograph on my taint
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Threesome in a minivan. New low
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
