apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the day after is always just damage control
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
