Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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