Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
In America we eat man semen.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Randomize
