we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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