3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
