i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
