Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
