It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize