Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
