by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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