My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
