I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
