Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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