the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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