i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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