Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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