Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
