Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
