so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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