true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
