It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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