alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
