you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
