i may or may not be watching the land before time
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
