you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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