It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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