I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
