I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
