the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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