She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
