I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize