so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
