the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize