New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize