I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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