Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
