You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
