True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
