i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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