I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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