I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize