My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
