The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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