i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
