Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
