Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
