Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
love makes seman taste better
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
