She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
