I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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