you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
