Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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