alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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