Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
